Monday, June 18, 2012

month of lauren // 18

Now listening to: Broken Bells, Citizen

I've been thinking about doing this for a while, and then I put it on my Month of Lauren list, and THEN (and thennnnnn) Peter pushed me over the edge. (Dude, thanks!)

Dear Future Husband,

Thank you.

I know I don't say this often enough, and when I do after you've handed me the newspaper on a Saturday or pushed me out the door in time for my nine o'clock meeting or given me that hug I really needed, you might not hear it all the way; you might not take it to heart.

Thank you for so many things, but most of all thank you for being my friend.

I don't think I ever told you this, but back when I was single -- no, that's not right... back before you, before us, that's better -- I used to read a lot about how to make a marriage last. What did it take to have a good relationship? Friends, the lurking psychoanalysts with whom I've always surrounded myself, would send me research articles and information numbed for the masses, and I noticed a pattern. These scores of octogenarians, nonagenarians, people who'd been married for longer than I could imagine being alive, they all said the same thing: make sure your spouse is your friend.

Not just a friend who is around; a friend who is there.

Not just someone you know; someone you really know, someone who makes an effort to know you.

They said there had to be a spark, of course, but they said that people shouldn't rely on that initial spark to get them through it all because just like a match over the length of life, that flame will flicker, weaken, jump alive, and change color. The relationship needed the understanding of friendship to weather life together.

Thank you for being the kind of friend with whom I can weather life.

Thank you for being the kind of friend who understands that being a husband-friend is different from being a best friend, or a friend with benefits, or a "bro." (Ha, ha, right? I just went there.) Thank you for being a committed husband-friend, and knowing when to be more husband and when to be more friend. Thank you for being okay with knowing that no matter how many times you watch Love, Actually with me, you will never replace my best girl friend. Thanks for being there for me anyway. Sweetheart, I know it's not always easy to be around me. I know I am not always easy. I know you kind of hate it when I call you "sweetheart," but kind of love it too. I know you, and I know that you know me. You get me.

Thank you for being the kind of friend who talks to me about everything; for not criticizing when all I can do is vent about work; for supporting my rants defining the ways people are currently trying to kill the English language; for sharing stories and jokes (and for always laughing at my awful jokes); for pillow talk before we fall asleep next to each other; for making me laugh until all hours of the night; for knowing what I mean when I tell you I don't have the words for something yet and I need to think on it.

Thank you for being the kind of friend who will call me out when I am being obtuse or weak or lofty. I really do need reining in every now and then, and you get that. Thank you for not being condescending when you do it; you know how much I hate it when the guys at work treat me like a child. I know I can be a princess at times and that can't be easy to face, but thanks for being my ally no matter what.

Thank you for being the best husband-friend I ever asked for. Thank you for blowing my every wish and prayer out of the window.

I have countless more qualities, memories, smiles, and happenings for which to thank you, but this is perhaps the most important. This is what all those old folks (no, honey, you're not that old yet) said would get us through. This is what has gotten us through so far, however many years after we said "I do" to smiling faces and grand adventures. This is what makes my heart swell to this day, most likely a quiet afternoon during a thunderstorm when I finally drop this note in front of the worn page of whatever book you're reading at the time and say, "Hey, could you take a look at this?"

Know that I am thankful every day. 

I love you.


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