Saturday, June 30, 2012

month of lauren // wrapped

Remember way back when, an entire month ago, when I declared June to be the Month of Lauren? This morning I closed my eyes and could picture myself sitting in front of my computer, apprehensively typing to Tessica, "I'm thinking of doing a fun thing for June..."

Who knew this is where I would end up? 

I began this most excellent month by organizing myself.
From the introductory post: "I wrote down every idea I've had and every idea that y'all have given me, each with a little check box. I'm not going to assign things to days because I want this to be an adventure, not an assignment. I'm going to pick out things day by day, and maybe sometimes get wild and do something that's not even on the list!"
Then I got excited, and a little nervous. As is the case with most of my big plans, the moment of truth came up: would I actually do these things? What would happen? Would it end up a grand plan that fell apart?

Somehow, somewhere, I found the strength inside of me and focused on the exciting part of things, and I went out and I did it.

You, my dearest family and friends, helped enormously. There's absolutely no way that I could have done this month without you. Your suggestions, kind words, encouragement, excitement for me, and infectiously positive attitude kept me going throughout. Many of you invited me out, to dinner, wine, brunch, parties, or contributed in some other way (Hi, Aunt Boo, thanks for being our designated driver from Aunt Ellie's party so that we could get silly!) and really helped to make this month awesome.

I started it off by being more than a little nervous and questioning, and then I claimed my month and I rocked it.

I embraced the insanity. Brunched. Listened to old and new music. Trespassed. Took a different way home from work. Stood on a bridge at midnight on my birthday. Wrote a letter to my future husband. Switched up my wardrobe. Wore new outfits. Enjoyed cold beers. Defined some things I believe. Watched hockey and baseball. Bought myself flowers. Found a place to live, and soul sisters in my new roommates. Received care package. Had Skype dates with Anna. Went on a date. Took myself on a date. Drank to silliness. Bought myself a birthday present. Practiced self-love. Enjoyed a staycation. Saw a roller derby bout. Got a massage. Visited both my mom's and my dad's sides of my family. Recognized that everything will be alright. Worked on a car. Got a pedicure. Spent time having coffee, brunch, dessert, dinner, and drinks with old friends. Met new friends. Woke up early. Slept in. Walked a lot. Chose some important reminders to myself. Went to bed early. Spent a lot of time in bed. Didn't sleep for days. Ran. Road tripped. Ate all the bacon. Was gentle with myself. Painted my nails fun, unexpected colors. Bought something at Tiffany. Went swimming. Got a tattoo. Watched the sunrise and sunset in the same day. Played in the sand. Watched old and new movies. Celebrated my birthday.

More than all of these activities and adventures, the Month of Lauren encouraged me to rediscover myself. I had lost so much of me in my relationship that I didn't even know who I was anymore. (I mean, this post? Really, Lauren?) I felt like I was floating around without any true idea of what I liked or disliked, or what I was doing, once finally separate from Mike.

Let me tell you, in case you were wondering: that is a phenomenally uncomfortable and confusing place of existence.   

The Month of Lauren forced me to get back into doing things I liked. I didn't push my own comfort zone much at all; instead I focused on things I knew I would enjoy. I thought a lot about the things I was doing and tried to live every moment with purpose: my own purpose, not for or with anyone else. Living each moment as it happened, and writing about it afterward, gifted me with an incredible sense of peace, and a glimpse into who I am.

Guess what I found out? I like myself. Really, I mean that! I am in love with myself, the girl I really am, in the most unpretentious way possible. I like the things I like, the things I do, the people I know. Even though the Month of Lauren wound up a bit like a honeymoon phase wherein I loved just about everything, I know that cultivating this love for myself will only do me good in the future. I'll be able to look back during the hard times and remember this and know I can make it through because at the end of the day at least I have myself.   

Basically what I'm saying is:
The Month of Lauren was AWESOME!

Thanks, again, for all of your support and encouragement, friends.


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